Fear around conflict
You can't avoid conflict so conquer the fear and confront it...
There are so many fears attached to tackling conflict:-
- Fear of saying something wrong
- Fear of damaging relationships
- Fear of being disliked
If we accept that conflict is the most natural thing in the world, and take each fear and process what is going on.
The fear of saying something wrong, has the affect of people saying nothing. If we don't say what is bothering us the conflict festers and begins to damage relationships we have. One very easy first step is to write down what you want to say. When we look at what we want to say we can then decide to commit to it and also challenge ourselves as to whether it feels right? We must ensure that we are not commenting on a habit that is a recurring pattern as it may well be this is something the person does not want to change. If we are commenting on a particular incident and when we right it down and it still feels right, then you must say it. By addressing conflict we have more honest and truer relationships.
The second fear of damaging a relationship, is not a healthy view if you want your connections to be real. The more we get into the habit of addressing conflict the more our confidence will grow. Tackling issues as they occur, if you find it very distracting some-one always being on their phone whilst you are talking to them, say it! If you smile as you say the thing that is bothering you, it is unlikely this would break a bond. Feel secure that the memories and stories you share together are bigger than just one or more conflict situation.
Possibly the greatest thing that holds us back is the fear of not being liked. We all have a need to be liked it is human nature. If we don't say what we really feel we might begin to hide who we really are and come across as fake. Hiding your true thoughts is not being true to yourself. Celebrate who you really are. There is no harm in not agreeing to everything far better to "say what you mean and mean what you say".
As an exercise think about the things you dislike that a loved one does, and have a conversation around it. Please let me know if this has made your relationship stronger by some candour.
Please do get in touch for a one to one coaching session bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk
